Cuts
by hiscrookedsmile
Summary: Bella Swan is sent to a mental institution when her father feels he can no longer cope with her behavious. However Bella has secrets in her past she feels she can't share with anyone.. Will the new people she meets at the institution be able to help?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Unfortunantly, I don't own Edward or anything else to do with Twilight... But I'm working on it!**

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"I'm not going! YOU CAN'T FUCKING MAKE ME!" I screamed, struggling, as I was dragged out of the house and forced into the back seat of a car. I kicked out, and started banging my fists uselessly on the window as Charlie closed the door behind me. He'd just announced that he was taking me to a mental institution, that he couldn't cope anymore, that he had his own life to live.

"Isabella, you are going, and I can make you. And don't use that language please."

"Fuck you," I said softly, but loudly enough for him to hear. He sighed and got into the driver's seat of the car, starting the engine and pulling away from their house. I watched in silence now, as the house I'd had lived in my whole life disappeared behind me, tears streaking down my face. I hadn't meant to get this out of hand, for it to come to this. It just felt like nothing I did was in my control any longer. I genuinely hadn't wanted to hurt Charlie, or anyone else. I loved my father, and the rainy little town of Forks. I would miss it…

We pulled up outside a large grey building and I stared up at it, my heart sinking. Charlie came round and opened the door, but blocking my way so I couldn't run off. He didn't need to worry, any fight had drained out of me. I got out slowly and he gripped my arm as he led her up to the entrance.

A young nurse was sat at the desk inside the door. "Hello, how can I help you?" she asked, a huge smile plastered on her face. I closed my eyes and groaned internally.

"I'm Charlie Swan, this is my daughter Isabella. Dr Cullen should be expecting us."

"I'll just let him know you're here Sir, please take a seat," she said, gesturing behind us. Charlie led me over to them and we sat down. He didn't release my arm.

"I'm not going to try to run away," I said quietly, not looking at him. He stared at me for a few seconds, gauging my mood and expression, before loosening his grip on my arm. After another few moments he let go entirely and I slumped back.

The nurse put down the phone. "He's just coming," she called to us. Charlie smiled tightly at her, nodding. I looked around the small reception, at the brightly coloured walls, the magazines on the table, all the obvious attempts to make it look as cheerful and welcoming as possible. Well, it hadn't done a very good job.

At that moment, Dr Cullen came into the waiting room, running a hand through his blond hair. He smiled when he saw us. "Charlie, Isabella, sorry I took so long," he said holding his hand out to shake Charlie's.

"No problem at all Dr Cullen, I'm sure you're very busy." He pulled me up after him.

"Please, call me Carlisle. Now if you'd like to come this way," he said, leading us back out the door and up some stairs.

Carlisle talked us through all the minor details, and Charlie left as quickly as he could get away with, without looking rude. The young, blond doctor seemed to notice this a frowned slightly, before looking at me with his stunning smile. "Come on Isabella, let's show you around and get your things to your room."

"It's Bella," I said softly, standing up. It had been the first thing I'd said since we'd got into his office, and he looked slightly shocked, and almost pleased.

"Bella, sorry." He smiled at me once again, and led me out the room. He went around the entire institution, pointing out each room to me, and naming some of the faces we saw along the way. I paid little attention, just trailing behind him. At last we stopped outside a light blue door, and he opened it. "This is your room," he said to me, gesturing for me to go in. I entered the room, and sat on the small bed, gazing at the floor. "Tom's already brought your things up for you, you've got an hour before dinner to get everything sorted and settle in. If you need anything, you just need to ask me or one of the other nurses." I made no move to answer him, so he shut the door behind me, leaving me alone.

I laid back on the bed, and closed my eyes, not allowing the tears to come again. I rummaged in my pocket for my knife and grasped it tightly in my hand when I felt the cool metal. I slowly drew it out, and opened it up, looking at the sharp edge of the knife. I rolled up the sleeve of my jumper, and looked at the mish-mash of scars and recent cuts there. I felt a sob build up inside me. I was a mess. I brought the knife to my skin and pressed down, hard. It easily went through my thin, pale skin and I pulled it along my arm, feeling the sudden pain and revelling in the release it brought. I cut down several times, allowing the blood to pool in the deep cuts, and watching as a few drops trickled slowly down.

I was so engrossed in what I was doing, I didn't notice the door opening. Suddenly I heard a voice. "Carlisle asked to see if-" the voice trailed off. "Oh." I quickly shoved the knife away and put my arm behind my back but it was clear they'd seen it. I looked up at the intruder, a defiant look on my face, daring them to say anything. However, when I looked into the deep, emerald eyes before me, I completely lost anything I was going to say. It was a boy, around 17 I guessed. He had pale skin, and strange, almost bronze-coloured hair. I shook my head quickly, stopping myself from staring.

"What do you want?" I asked, rudely.

"I was… I… Carlisle just asked me to come and see if you needed help with anything…" he trailed off, his eyes were flickering between my face and the arm I still held behind my back. I sighed and brought it back around to lay in my lap.

"Well I don't. Thank you." I said, and glared at this enchantingly beautiful boy. He shrugged, and left the room. I sighed once again, and set to cleaning up my arm. It hurt like hell, and I was a little rougher than usual as I wiped it clean and dry. The pale face at my door was set firmly in my mind and I couldn't seem to rid myself of it. _Stupid kid_, I thought unfairly.

I put a few of my things away before looking at my watch to see it was almost half past five. Time to go to dinner…

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**A/N: This is my first real attempt at a fan fiction for Twilight, and I'd love to know what you think of it.. So even if you think it's really bad and don't want to have to read any of it ever again, please, review! I'd be very grateful :]**

**xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

Dinner was predictably awful. The first face I saw when I entered the cafeteria was the pale one from before, his piercing eyes looking directly at me. I looked away and purposely sat at the opposite end of the room. I picked at my dinner, not feeling hungry, and soon got up to dump my tray and leave. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the boy getting up and following me quickly out the door. I tried to pick up my pace but he just did the same, and just before I got to my door I felt his hand grab my arm. "What?!" I asked, exasperatedly.

He looked straight into my eyes. "I just wanted to see if you were ok," he said in velvety voice, and I felt my knees go weak. _NO! Snap out of it_, I though to myself.

"I'm fine," I said shortly, and tried to turn but he had my upper arm in a vice like grip. He smiled slightly at me.

"Sure you are," he said. "I'm not going to tell anyone, if you don't want me too." I opened my mouth to say something but he cut me off. "I just wanted you to know.." his green eyes smouldered, "I'm here if you need me."

I floundered around, trying to make my brain work again. "I, erm, thanks. I.. need to go finish unpacking my stuff."

He finally let go. "I'll see you around then," he said, a statement, not a question. I didn't answer, simply nodding slightly, and slipped into my room. What the hell was wrong with me? I didn't even know this kid's name! I finished stuffing my clothes into the chest of drawers and wardrobe, and put my alarm clock on the bedside table. I hadn't brought and posters or pictures with my, so the walls remained bare. I closed my eyes and laid back in my bed, and fell into a deep, restless sleep.

_I screamed loudly, willing someone to hear me, but he just put his huge hand over my mouth, and shoved me back into the bed. "No one's going to here you, Isabella, so there's no point making that silly noise." His other hand was fumbling down below the open my jeans. What he said was true so when he removed his hand from my mouth I remained quiet. "Good girl," he said, as he went to work on his own jeans. I struggled, kicking and thrashing around wildly as I felt him between my legs and he gripped my hips, forcing me to stay still. My hands were tied behind my back and I felt tears leaking down my face as he thrust roughly. I screamed as I felt the piercing pain and he thumped me in the stomach before carrying on his business…_

I woke up sweating and shaking, the blankets were tangled round my legs and the curtains were still open. I looked out to see that it was light, and I checked the time on my clock. 5am. I sighed, falling back onto the bed with a thump, and tried to calm my breathing and pounding heart. After several minutes I decided to get up and find the bathroom, as there was no way I'd be getting back to sleep. I found my towel and wash bag and padded down the corridor in the direction I though Carlisle had told me the bathroom was in. I wished I'd paid a little bit more attention to his tour…

Eventually I came to the bathroom and went into one of the shower cubicles. I took my pyjamas off and stepped into the shower, drawing the curtain behind me and turning the water on as hard as it would go. I shivered for a few moments as the icy water began to warm up, and then let the hot water pour onto my shoulder and run down my back and stomach, relaxing my still tensed muscles. I washed my hair and scrubbed my body clean of the sweat from my troubled sleep.

As I was drying off and putting my pyjamas back on I heard someone else enter the bathroom and use the toilet. I cautiously unlocked the door and stepped out the cubicle to see the boy coming out of the opposite toilet. Great. What was he doing, stalking me? He grinned when he saw me. "Hi," he said, "You're up early."

"Couldn't sleep," I muttered, and began to walk out the room as he spoke again.

"I didn't get a chance to introduce myself last night, I'm Edward Mason. You must be the new girl, Isabella Swan." I cringed at his use of my full name and turned to see his outstretched hand.

"Bella, actually," I corrected, and took his outstretched hand, touching it as briefly as possible. He smiled at me.

"Bella. It suits you."

I blushed and mumbled something about needing to go now, and left without looking at him again. I made my way back to my room and began to brush my hair, letting the feeling relax me. I dried it as best I could with the towel, and pulled it up into a loose pony tail, before getting changed out of my pyjamas into a pair of black jeans and a baggy black hoody. I pulled on my battered pair of converse and, not wanting to spend any more time in my small, confined room than necessary, made my way down to the cafeteria, hoping to get breakfast before most of the other kids arrived.

I was lucky; as I walked into the dining hall I was the only person there and the kitchen was just opening. I went and picked up some fruit juice and toast and found a table to sit at in the corner. As I sat down I noticed a tiny girl, with short black hair walk… no, dance, into the room, with a tall blond guy behind her. They went to get some food and started walking in my direction. _Oh no,_ I thought. There were all these empty tables and they decided they needed to come and sit by me?

"Hi!" said the girl, with a huge smile on her face, "I'm Alice, you're the new girl, right?" I sighed. Everyone already knew who I was it seemed.

"Bella," I replied, not looking up.

"This is Jasper, my boyfriend," she carried on. She paused for a second, taking in my lack of interest in anything she was saying. "Is it ok if we sit here?" she asked, uncertainly.

I pulled myself together; no need to be rude to them, they were just trying to be friendly. "Sure," I said with what I hoped was a smile. "Pull up a seat…"

The smile returned to her face, and Jasper sat down next to her. "Hello, Bella," he said, the southern accent evident in his voice.

"Hey," I replied.

Alice began talking again, so quickly and enthusiastically I could barely keep up. "The others will be here in a minute, they'll love to meet you! Oh! I love your hair, I could style it sometime for you, if you wanted? And your eyes… I've got just the right eye shadow for them!"

I must have looked slightly scared, because Jasper chuckled and leaned over to me, whispering theatrically, "I'd just agree if I were you, it's not like you'll get a choice anyway." She slapped him, pretending to glare at him, but I could see the affection in their eyes. I looked away..

"Bella? What do you say Bella, can I do you hair and makeup?" she asked, pulling a puppy dog face and pouting. I almost had to laugh.

"Sure," I said.

"Here come the others," said Jasper, obviously trying to steer the conversation in another direction and I looked gratefully at him. I followed Alice's excited look to a group of three more people walking into the kitchen. A tall girl with long, blonde hair and a devastatingly beautiful face held the hand of a large, muscular man, and behind them was a shorted boy with… bronze hair, and those emerald eyes.

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**A/N: As before, please review, I don't want to keep boring you with a story no one wants to read! :]**

**xxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who put the story on their alerts list, and thanks especially to wannabevamp for reviewing :]**

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I gulped slightly when I saw Edward again, was I ever going to escape him? The others picked up their food and made their way over to the table. They sat down, and Alice introduced everyone. "Bella, this is Emmett McCarty and Rosalie Hale, and this is Edward Mason. Everyone, this is Bella."

"Hi," said Rosalie, smiling slightly. I noticed she only had some fruit on her tray, and she was simply picking at it as I had the night before.

"Hey Bella!" said Emmett, loudly. I tried to stop myself cringing as others around us stared.

"Hey," I replied, smiling slightly. He was attacking his food as though he hadn't eaten in a week, the complete opposite to Rosalie.

"Hello again, Bella," said the velvety voice, and I closed my eyes.

"You two already know each other?" asked Alice. "Great!" she said, as I nodded in reply.

Breakfast passed slowly, as I attempted to look interested in the conversation. I didn't want to be rude, and they seemed like genuinely nice people, but I just wasn't in the mood for interaction with anyone, least of all Edward. I wasn't sure why I didn't want to be around him, but he brought out feelings in me that I didn't want to explore right now. As we ate, I picked up more detail from watching than from talking. Emmett was constantly trying to get Rosalie to eat; his concern for her and the way they'd walked into the cafeteria together, hand in hand made it pretty obvious they were a couple. I figured from her reluctance to eat she was in here for an eating disorder. I sighed internally; she was stick thin and stunning. She definitely didn't need to worry about what she was eating…

Emmett seemed like a cheerful guy, he was constantly cracking jokes and trying to make people smile. I liked him straight away. But aside from his personality, he was huge, with muscles in his arms bigger than both mine put together. If I hadn't seen the way he was acting with his friends I would have been scared of him. As, it seemed, several other people were. I noticed a couple of guys staring at Rosalie and Alice, but the second they saw Emmett glaring back at them, cracking his knuckles, they hurriedly got up and left the hall. I wondered if he had problems with his temper.

Alice and Jasper were harder to read. The way they interacted with one another was so different to the other two. They mostly ate in silence, but the looks that passed between them held a lot of meaning which I couldn't grasp. They held hands the entire time.

Edward I didn't even attempt to read, but I could often feel his gaze on me as I watched the others. A couple of times I looked up at him and he stared straight back into my eyes, a small, crooked smile on his face. My stomach turned, and I blushed.

I stood up from the table. "I'm going back to my room for a bit," I told the others. "It was nice to meet you guys." They smiled and told me it was nice to meet me too, although I wondered if they were just being polite. Just as I was turning, Alice called my name.

"Bella!" I swung back round to face her. "Don't forget you said I could do your hair!" she said, excitedly, and the rest of the table erupted into laughter. I felt my face burn up again as the attention turned to me. "I'll come find you later!" she said. I nodded, and turned away again, stumbling in my hurry to get away.

Once again, Edward followed me from the cafeteria. What was with this guy? I ignored him as he followed me back to my room, and tried to close the door behind me but he stood in the way. "Bella? Can I come in please?" he asked, turning his smouldering eyes on me once more and I forgot how to breathe momentarily.

"I.. um.. Yeah, sure." I stuttered. He smirked at me, and went and sat on my bed. "So.. What's up Edward?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

"Oh, the usual. Stuck in the loony bin, nothing to do, no where to go." He looked at me. "How are you doing? It's always hard when you first get here." He suddenly sounded genuinely concerned, and I swallowed hard.

"I'm… fine." I never could lie convincingly… But when he used that crooked smile on me my thoughts just turned to mush. "So, uh, why are you in here? If you don't mind me asking?" I said, steering the conversation away from me. He shrugged, and was quiet for a moment. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I'm sorry, it was rude of me to ask."

He chuckled softly. "No it's, it's ok. I tried to kill myself. Seems I couldn't even do that right and they found me and brought me here." He rolled up his sleeves to show me his arms and I gasped at the ragged scars. His eyes were dull now, the sparkling emeralds turned sad. I felt a sudden urge to put my arms around him, but I pushed down that thought. I wanted to ask him why he'd tried to kill himself but I didn't want to push him. He pulled his sleeves back down and took my own arms in his hands.

He carefully pushed up my sleeves and slowly traced my scars and cuts with his thumb, his touch light and almost… Soothing. I sat for a while, feeling mesmerised by the attention he paid to each one. After a while I pulled my arms out of his grip and pulled down my sleeves, unsure of what had come over me. I'd just let a complete stranger not only see my arms but touch them, caress them. I shook my head violently and tried to inconspicuously move away from him slightly.

"What about the others? Alice, Jasper and the rest. Why are they here?" He looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Rose is anorexic. She refuses to eat most of the time, although Emmett can occasionally coax her into eating something. Emmett, although he's usually just a big softy, has anger issues, he lashed out at a couple of police men when they stopped him for speeding, put them both in hospital." He stopped, and grinned. "Alice is a strange one. She claims she can see the future, and sometimes I even wonder if she's right, she seems to have an uncanny ability to make predictions that frequently come true." I laughed slightly with him, at the thought of this pixie-like girl having visions of the future. That was impossible, surely? "Jasper… No one's really sure why Jasper's here. He keeps himself to himself most of the time, although he hangs around with Alice constantly. He's a nice guy, just hasn't really talked much about himself."

We sat in silence for a while as I took in this new information. Well I'd been right enough about Emmett and Rosalie. I still couldn't help but let my thoughts stray to Edward as I wondered exactly what had happened to this strange boy to make him suicidal. Suddenly I looked at my watch. "Crap, I've got a meeting with Carlisle in a couple of minutes, I've got to go."

He smiled at me, and got up, holding out a hand to help me to my feet. My stomach clenched at this odd display of politeness, and I took his hand reluctantly. "I'll tell Alice where you are, I'm sure she'll be looking for you." I couldn't help but grin at that.

"Thanks."

"Goodbye, Bella." He left the room and I stood open mouthed for a few seconds before I could kick my brain into action. Meeting. Now. Go! I ran along the hallways and skidded to a halt outside his office, only a few minutes late. I knocked on the door.

"Come in," he called. I opened the door and went in. "Have a seat, Bella," he said smiling at me.

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**A/N: Once again, reviews most welcome :] I hope you think it's ok...**

**xxx**


	4. Chapter 4

I sat down, and started fiddling with the cuff of my sweater as he finished writing whatever it was he was writing. He put his pen down and turned to me, taking in my appearance. I was sure I must have large, purple shadows under my eyes and I blushed and hid behind my hair. "How was your first night here Bella? Did you sleep ok?" I wondered if he knew about my nightmares from Charlie.

"Yeah, fine. I met Alice, Jasper and the rest of their group. They seem really nice…." I spoke quietly, uncomfortable with being questioned. He gave me a long, hard look, and I forced myself to look back up at him, defiantly. That was always my reaction when I was being interrogated, anger. Why did these people need to pry into my life? It was none of their business! He seemed to sense my bad temper rising to the surface.

"They're a nice group, I'm glad you've made friends with them. Now there's not much to discuss in this first meeting, but we've scheduled your meetings for the rest of this "term" as we call it, and you've been designated me as your therapist. If you're uncomfortable with that, or would prefer a female nurse we can rearrange now, just let us know." He smiled his blinding smile at me, and I realised I hadn't really been listening, a certain pair of green eyes were filling my mind.

"Um, yeah, that's fine," I replied, trying to pretend I hadn't missed anything.

"So is there anything you want to talk about now? If there isn't you can go now, but as of your next meeting you'll be required to stay for the whole hour." I sighed inwardly at the thought of staying here for an hour to be probed for every little detail. I liked Carlisle, but really he was no different to any other doctor. I shook my head, and he sighed. "You're free then," he joked, and turned back to his paperwork as I got up and left.

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Despite my best attempts to avoid anyone on the way back to my room, Alice caught me and dragged me into the room she shared with Rosalie. Rose smiled when she saw my face. "You're in for a long session Bella, Ali just can't resist someone with hair as beautiful as yours." I blushed profusely and she just chuckled.

I tried to close my eyes and blank out my thoughts as Alice brushed and tugged at my hair, attacking me with sprays and hair straighteners. She chattered constantly, which helped to distract me and seemed content with my minimal answers, which I was grateful for. When she was done with my hair she moved onto my face to put makeup on me, ignoring my protests. Rosalie gave tips from her position on the bed and I just kept my eyes tightly shut. When Alice announced me done, I cautiously opened my eyes and looked in the small mirror she was holding up. I felt my jaw drop slightly as I looked at the person in the mirror.

My hair was straight, but flicking out slightly at the edges. She'd given me smoky eyes and put a small amount of clear lip gloss on my lips. I looked… pretty. Something I wasn't used to, especially due to my tendency to dress in jeans and a hoody. Alice seemed to be thinking along the same lines. "We really should find you something to wear to go with it…" She dove for her wardrobe.

"Alice… Please, don't, I'm fine as I am. Thank you so much, I love my hair and eyes, but I'm comfortable how I am." She pouted but I turned her own puppy-dog face on her and she giggled.

"Fine, I'll let you get away with it… This time!" I smiled at her. Just then I heard a knock on the door, and Jasper's voice.

"Alice, can we come in?" he asked. We. Oh dear. I hoped it was just Jasper and Emmett but of course Edward was standing there, behind the other two. As his eyes met mine, I saw his jaw drop slightly as my own had when I looked in the mirror.

"Looking good Bella!" boomed Emmett, and I blushed a deep red and hid behind my hair.

They all crowded into the small room and we sat around. Somehow Edward ended up next to me, and he pushed my hair behind my ear. "You shouldn't hide your face," he whispered in my ear. "It's too beautiful for that." I saw Alice watching us, a knowing look on her face. I wondered vaguely if she'd predicted that Edward and I would get together. What? We weren't together, and we weren't going to get together! I shook myself mentally, and closed off those thoughts in my mind.

We sat around chatting for a while, before the boys decided we should go to the games room. Alice and Rosalie groaned slightly but I was quite happy to go somewhere else where I wouldn't be in such close proximity to this intriguing boy.

The rest of the day was spent there, listening to Emmett's shouting and Jasper and Edward's protests that he was cheating. Alice and Rosalie watched them lovingly, with amused expressions on their faces, while my mind wandered. I thought longingly of Forks and wondered whether I'd ever go back there. Charlie would be sitting at home, probably worrying about me. We didn't talk much but we loved each other a lot. I felt terrible for the way we had parted yesterday, and I felt tears coming to my eyes. Suddenly a low voice broke into my reverie. "Bella?" I looked into Edward's face, and saw the concern in his eyes. I vaguely wondered why he seemed so worried, and he called my name again, but it sounded distant. "Bella!" His face in front of me started to blur and there was a ringing in my ears, and I saw the floor coming up to meet me. "Breathe Bella!" I heard as I slipped into unconsciousness.

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I woke up a while later to see Carlisle's face above me. "Hello Bella. How are you feeling now? You fainted." I looked around to see I was in my own room, and Edward was standing by the bed. Of course.

"I'm fine, I think," I managed to get out. I heard a chuckle from Edward and tried to glare at him. "What?" I asked him, indignantly.

"Nothing, nothing, I'm sorry," he replied, trying to suppress a smirk.

Carlisle double checked I was ok, and then left us alone. Edward's expression turned serious. "I'm really am sorry, I didn't mean to laugh. Are you sure you're ok Bella? You were crying and then you just started hyperventilating or something." I nodded.

"I'm ok," I whispered, not trusting my voice as I remembered what I'd been thinking about before. I felt the tears come back into my eyes, and trying furiously to blink them away.

"Bella…" I forced myself to look at him. His eyes were full of pain and I couldn't understand why. "I know it seems strange as I barely know you, but I really do want you to know that I'm here if you need me. Something about you just makes me want to protect you, to make sure nothing hurts you."

I definitely didn't trust myself to speak this time. He tentatively held out his hand to me and I took it after a moments hesitation. He held on to mine tightly while I cried, he reached down with his other hand and brushed the tears away with the pad of his thumb. "Don't cry Bella," he whispered. I pulled on his hand, forcing him to kneel down beside me, and I rested my head against him. I couldn't explain it but I felt so safe with him. He wrapped his arms around me and after a moment I relaxed in them, letting him hold me tightly. I hadn't had anyone hold me like this for a long time, I hadn't felt safe or comforted for years.

Eventually I managed to calm down, and I pulled away slightly from his grip. He let me go and stood up. "Do you want to sleep now?" he asked me. I nodded, and stood up slowly to collect my pyjamas. "Will you be ok?" I looked into his eyes and I suddenly found I didn't want him to leave.

"Don't go," I whispered, knowing I was being irrational. He couldn't stay here anyway, it was against the rules and unfair to him.

He smiled at me. "Well, I'll go outside to let you change." I nodded and he exited the room, closing the door behind him. I quickly changed into my tank top and sweats, before realising my arms were completely bare. I wasn't sure why I cared, as he'd seen them before, but I panicked for a few moments before calming myself down and opening the door. He looked at the me for a few moments, and lifted his hand to touch my cheek, which had of course turned a bright shade of red. He chuckled softly and I went over to get in bed. When I was settled he removed his shoes and jacket and laid down beside me when I patted the bed.

He took me in his arms, one hand stroked my hair, while the other held my left arm, tracing the cuts as he had earlier. He was humming soothingly into my ear. I struggled to stay awake and listen to the melody, but I felt my eyelids droop and I succumbed to the sleep threatening to pull me under.

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**A/N: You know the drill.... Please review! :]**

**xxx**


	5. Chapter 5

"_Please! No, go away! Get off me please! Leave me alone, LET ME GO!__"__ I screamed, struggling with the hands that were trying to hold me still. _

My eyes snapped open and I woke up, sweating and crying. "Shh Bella, it's ok, nothing's going to hurt you, I'm here, you're fine," I heard a voice tell me and the arms that had been pinning me down loosened, and tried to pull me in for a hug.

"No!" I screamed, still wildly thrashing around until I managed to focus my eyes on the face above me. "E-Edward?" I whispered, still trembling.

"Yes, it's me," he said softly and I allowed him to hug me, burying my face in his chest, soaking his shirt with my tears. I should never have asked him to stay, I just hadn't been thinking straight and the idea of my nightmares were far from my thoughts at the time.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled into his chest.

"What for?" he pulled me back, forcing me to look into his eyes.

"For making you stay, for waking you up. For making your shirt wet." He chuckled at that, and used his sleeve to wipe my face.

"Don't be silly, Bella. I told you, I'm here for you whenever you need me." He paused. "Do you want to talk about it?" I did, I wanted to talk to him about it more than anything else in the world, but I just couldn't. I shook my head, new tears coming to my eyes. I looked at the clock and saw it was only 1.20am. I sighed. I could never get back to sleep after a nightmare… Looked like I had a long night ahead of me.

"You should go back to your room," I whispered. "I don't want you to get into trouble, I'll be fine now."

He looked directly into my eyes. "Are you sure? I don't mind staying, no one will notice I'm not in my room." I nodded, not trusting myself to speak; I wanted him to stay but I didn't want to ask him to. "Ok," he said uncertainly. "Well, if you need me, just come and find me, ok? My room is just down the corridor, number 37." He brushed my hair back from my face and kissed the top of my head. "Sweet dreams, Bella."

I didn't sleep again that night, my nightmare too fresh in my mind. I lay beneath the sheets, shivering despite the warm room, and listened to my iPod, turning the music as loud as I could bear in an attempt to drive the thoughts from my head. The time ticked by slowly, and the more I looked at my clock the more frustrated I got. Eventually it was time to get up and head down for breakfast, and although I didn't feel like eating I got up anyway just for something to do other than laying in bed.

Alice and the others were already in the cafeteria when I entered, but I pretended not to see them as I went to sit at another table. I couldn't face them after my little fainting show yesterday, and I especially didn't want to have to face Edward. I sat on my own, not touching my food and sipping my juice. I yawned widely, then got up to dump my tray. I was met at the door by Alice, a look of hurt on her face. "Why didn't you come and sit with us today Bella?"

I made myself smile at her, "Sorry Alice, I didn't see you guys until I'd already sat down. I was just to tired to pay much attention to anything."

She looked slightly happier. "Oh, ok then. Make sure you sit with us at lunch though! Are you ok now? You didn't look very well yesterday.." She trailed off, uncertainly.

"I'm fine, Alice, thanks. I'm just not sleeping very well, and I guess I didn't eat enough yesterday."

She looked at the tray I was still holding in my hands, and raised an eyebrow at me. "Well leaving your breakfast isn't going to help." I closed my eyes, but thankfully she didn't push the matter. "Come on, let's go and find Rose, you look like you could use some girl time." And surprisingly I felt like I did, so I willingly let her take my hand and drag me along to her room.

"Hey, Bella," said Rosalie as we entered the room. "Feeling better today?" I suppressed a sigh and smiled back at her. I didn't want to have to answer the same question 50 times over.

"Hey, Rose, I'm feeling fine thanks." I sat down on the end of Alice's bed, and drew my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them.

"Do you have a meeting with one of the therapists today Bella?" Alice asked me. I pulled my schedule out of my pocket and checked Monday. My face fell as I saw I did indeed have a meeting with Carlisle at 10am. I sighed.

"Yep.. 10am with Carlisle." She giggled at the disgruntled look on my face, and I pretended to glare at her.

"Well at least you've got Carlisle, he's nice. Dr Gerandy is a total bore, and he doesn't seem to like anyone." I wondered if it might actually be easier to have him as my therapist instead of Carlisle.. At least if he wasn't particularly nice I wouldn't feel bad about not being able to talk.

We sat around for a while, as Alice and Rosalie discussed the latest gossip from around the institution; apparently Angela Weber and Ben Cheney had been seen kissing in the corridor, whoever they were. Lauren Mallory and her sidekick Jessica Stanley were being their usual bitchy selves, spreading harsh rumours about anyone and everyone. I was glad I hadn't come across either of them yet. I only half listened to what they were saying, dreading my upcoming meeting. I was sure I looked a mess, as I had barely slept last night.

At 9.55 I made my way over to Carlisle's office after saying bye to Alice and Rose. I stood outside his door for almost a minute before managing to make myself knock. "Come in," he called. "Hello, Bella." He smiled at me, and I tried not to look directly at him, in the vain hope he wouldn't see how tired I was. "How did you sleep?" he asked, with a slightly stern look on his face.

I took a deep breath. "Fine," I attempted to lie to him. He wasn't accepting it though.

"Bella, I know you're having nightmares. It's obvious you've been getting very little sleep. Do you want to tell me about them?" Once again, I felt the overwhelming need to talk about it, but every time I opened my mouth to say something, the words got stuck and I was left gaping uselessly like a fish. He watched my internal struggle for what felt like hours. "Ok, maybe another time then. Are you eating properly? You still look pale after yesterday."

I briefly wondered if he'd accept a lie this time, before realising that I just couldn't do it convincingly. I shook my head. "I don't feel hungry."

"Bella, you need to eat, I don't know if there were other reasons behind your fainting yesterday, but having nothing in your stomach is definitely not going to help that."

"I know! I just couldn't eat!" I was feeling angry again now, I didn't like being treated like a little kid. "It's none of your business anyway," I muttered under my breath, but he heard me, and a small smile was playing on his lips. I glared at him, daring him to laugh.

"Bella, I'm only trying to help you," he said placatingly, and I tried to calm myself down.

"I know. I.. I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for. I noticed you sat on your own at breakfast today. Why didn't you sit with Alice and the others?" he asked. _Why the hell does he have to be so observant?_

"I didn't see them," I replied, unconvincingly as my voice wavered.

"You were watching them the whole time."

"What were you doing, stalking me?" I shouted, as something in me snapped.

"I'm a therapist Bella, it's my job to observe you all. I simply watched you today as you're new and I don't yet know much about you."

I closed my eyes, breathing deeply through my nose. _It's not his fault._ I tried to remind myself. _He's just trying to do his job, and you're making it harder for him._ "I… Didn't want to have to face them after yesterday."

"You mean after you fainted?" What was it about therapists that made them spell out the obvious? I nodded. "From what I saw they were worried about you. Why didn't you want to see them?"

"That's exactly why. I didn't want to have everyone asking me if I was ok, asking what happened." I sighed. "I don't like attention."

He smiled. "I had noticed that." He scribbled a few things down. "So, tell me a few things about your past. Family, friends, school, anything you think of."

I tried to keep everything as brief and vague as possible, telling him how my parents had split up when I was little and that I'd stayed living with my dad in Forks, just visiting Renée in the holidays. I told him about Renée remarrying a guy named Phil, and Carlisle kept trying to press for more details. How I felt after the split, what I thought of Phil, whether I was happy staying in Forks. I didn't give up much, I hadn't really thought about how I felt about any of it myself.

Toward the end of the session I was getting so worked up I couldn't stop the tears coming, tears of anger, shame, unhappiness. Carlisle got up and put his arm around my shoulders, letting me cry. "Why are you crying, Bella?" he asked me, softly. A huge sob shook me, and I couldn't answer. "What's the problem, hmm?" As the tears streamed down my face and the sobs came again and again, restricting my breathing, something snapped, again, and I threw his arm off my shoulders and bolted out the door. He made no move to come after me.

I ran to my room, ignoring the faces in the corridor that were peering at me, slamming the door behind me. I delved under my pillow, my fingers coming into contacts with the cold, hard knife. I pulled it out and shoved up my sleeve. The cuts from the other day were still red and painful looking. I sliced through them, regardless of the mess I made of my arm, relishing the pain from the already raw skin.

I sliced again and again, pressing harder and harder. I didn't notice when my door flew open and someone walked in, his hands in his tousled, bronze hair. I didn't hear him shout my name, didn't register him grabbing the knife out of my hand and tossing it to the floor. I vaguely felt my body leave the bed as he scooped me up in his arms, and saw a blur of colours as he ran out the room with me in his arms before I sank into the welcoming darkness.

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**A/N: Review please! :]**

**xxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed, it means alot :]**

**xxx**

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I opened my eyes slowly, and looked around me, trying to work out where I was. I was lying in a bed with crisp, white sheets, in a large room I hadn't seen before. I felt something tug at my arm as I tried to move it and I looked down. Immediately I wished I hadn't, as I saw the needle in it connecting the IV. My arms were swathed in white bandages. My head felt heavy and full of cotton wool as I tried to make sense of it all. Then I saw Edward sitting in the corner, watching me with anxious eyes, and I remembered.

I tried to speak. "Ed..ward?" I croaked, my voice cracking. He got up and came over to me, warily.

"Bella," he said, and his voice was tired. He placed his hand on my forehead, smoothing back my hair. "I'll get Carlisle." I tried to stop him but he was gone before I could do or say anything.

I was silent as Carlisle came to check me over, merely nodding or shaking my head to the questions he asked. Eventually he left, leaving me alone with Edward once again. He stood by my bed, and took my hand in his own. "Do you want some water?" he asked, and I nodded.

"Please." He handed me a glass and I drank it gladly, wetting my dry throat and mouth. "Edward," I said again, putting the glass back down. "I… I'm so sorry, I d-didn't mean t-to, I j-"

"Shh, Bella, it's ok. You're fine, don't worry."

I tried to stop the flow of tears from my eyes, as I shuffled over to the side of the bed. "Will you lay with me?" I asked. He smiled his crooked smile, although it didn't reach his eyes, and carefully climbed onto the bed next to me. He took me in his arms.

"How do you feel?" he asked. I grimaced.

"Like someone's filled my head with cotton wool or something." I paused. "And then tried to saw my arm off." A few more tears escaped. "I'm so sorry Edward," I said again.

"Bella, don't, it's ok. Don't cry," he said and wiped away the tears with the back of his hand. He held me tightly to him and began to hum in my ear, and I felt my eyelids drooping. I struggled to stay awake, but I felt myself being pulled into unconsciousness and gave up.

"I love you Bella."

* * *

When I woke up I was still in his arms, and I could see Carlisle beside him, talking softly. As my thoughts became more coherent, I remembered what I'd heard just before I'd fallen asleep. Or had I dreamt it? Had Edward really told me he loved me? I listened to what Carlisle and Edward were saying.

"I really don't think she meant to do it, Carlisle."

"But we don't know that Edward, and even so, if she makes the mistake once, she could easily do it again." He sounded upset.

"Carlisle… It wasn't your fault you know."

He sighed. "I know, but I was talking to her just before it happened, and when she ran away I didn't try to go after her."

I didn't want to listen to anymore if this. Time to let them know I was awake. I tried to stretch out my stiff limbs, and groaned slightly at the pain that jolted through my arms. Carlisle was immediately by my side.

"Bella, how are you feeling?"

"It hurts," I whimpered, and I felt Edward shake slightly as he tried to suppress laughter. Carlisle smiled.

"I'll get you something for it," he said, and hurried off to find me some pills.

I sighed. "Does he really blame himself?" I asked.

Edward looked at me. "You heard that? Yes I think he does, but don't worry Bella, you're ok now, there's no reason for you to get upset."

"I wasn't trying to kill myself you know." I refused to look at him. "I found someone who I finally felt I could trust, I wasn't going to give that up just like that." He put his finger under my chin and lifted my face up so he could see me.

"And who's that?" he asked, a smile playing on his lips.

I tried to hit him, but had forgotten once again about the IV. "Ugh," I shuddered, looking away from the needle. I glared at him. "You," I whispered softly. His arms tightened around me, and I relaxed into his chest, too weak to do anything else. Carlisle came back with water and some pain pills, and I took them gladly.

"Thanks. Carlisle, I'm… I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to.. to go so far." He smiled at me, weakly, and put his hand on my shoulder.

"You don't need to apologise Bella. Just… know you can talk to me, or Edward whenever you want to. Come and find me, even if it's not your scheduled time." I nodded, smiling. He squeezed my shoulder then left the room again.

I closed my eyes. I'd really hurt both him and Edward. I couldn't get the haunted look in their eyes out of my head. I heard a bang, and someone shushing someone else. I opened my eyes, and looked up to see Alice, Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett standing by my bed. The girls had tears in their eyes, and Jasper and Emmett looked worried. Oh god, more people I'd hurt. I hadn't realised these people even meant anything to me until now, but the looks on their faces were breaking me apart. Suddenly Alice threw her arms around me, and Rosalie followed suit. I felt overwhelmed as a lump came to my throat, and I fought back tears.

"Hey, guys," I murmured.

"Oh Bella," Alice cried, "Are you ok? How could… Why…" She didn't finish her questions, and I couldn't answer her.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, yet again.

I heard Edward sigh impatiently behind me, and looked around. He was glaring at me. "Will you stop apologising?" he said, looking so annoyed that I had to bite back laughter, despite my tears.

"I'm so-" I started again, but he covered my mouth with his long pale hand. I laughed then, unable to stop it, and suddenly the tension in the room was gone. Emmett came over and gently punched my shoulder.

"Had us worried for a while there Bells," he said. "I knew you were tougher than you looked though."

They all stayed there chattering as if we were back to my first morning, when we sat in Alice's room, until I started to doze off again; the pills I'd taken making me tired. Edward shooed them all out of the room, and covered me up again with the blankets. He got back onto the bed next to me, having got off when the others arrived, and took me back in his arms. I felt safe, content when he had his arms around me. He began to hum to me once again. "Night, Edward," I slurred.

I kept my eyes open long enough to see his answering grin. "Night, love."

* * *

Eventually I was let out of the hospital, when they really believed I hadn't intended to kill myself. I think Carlisle trusted Edward's judgement, but he was worried about me. I could tell everyone had been told to keep an eye on me; it never felt like I was alone. I started to long for some peace and solitude. At least my nights could be spent just with Edward. My nightmares had become much less frequent, and I think that was partly due to his presence. No one noticed Edward never slept in his own bed any more, and if they did no one said anything. He never repeated the words I thought he'd said to me in the hospital, and I wondered if I really had dreamt them. Dream or not, I knew one thing for sure. I was falling for Edward Mason and his bronze hair and deep, green eyes, filled with thought and emotion.

I watched his sleeping face in the morning light, coming from the crack in the curtains. I tried to get up quietly so I could go and shower, but his hands gripped my shirt more tightly, so I couldn't move. I gave up, and cuddled back down in bed, not really minding. I saw the corners of his mouth turn up into a satisfied smile. "Edward Mason, I know you're awake," I whispered. He pouted slightly, without opening his eyes. "C'mon I need to get up and have a shower before breakfast." He sighed theatrically, but released me.

As I showered I couldn't stop myself thinking about everything that had happened since I got here. I hadn't cut since that terrible morning, although it hadn't stopped me wanting to. I'd scared myself, what I could do if I was just a little out of control. I had to try to channel my emotions elsewhere. I'd made little progress in my meetings with Carlisle, although he seemed pleased at the slightest bit of information I gave him voluntarily.

Breakfast was a noisy affair; Emmett really was like a small child at times. He insisted on greeting us with a loud shout when we walked into the cafeteria, and never seemed to be able to lower his voice from it's usual booming volume. He was lovable, but hanging around him for long periods of time could give you a headache.. Everyone acted warily around me now, although at the same time they tried to pretend not to. I guess I should have been grateful for the affection they showed me, but I still did not appreciate unnecessary attention.

We'd become a little group all on our own; we paid very little attention to anyone else in the institute and paid very little to us. I preferred it that way. I'd come to love all five of my new friends, and they were always trying to be as supportive as possible. I felt guilty, as I knew they had their own problems, but they paid so much attention to me. Rose really seemed to be making progress; I watched as she ate most of her breakfast without Emmett saying a word to her about it. I wondered if seeing what I'd done to myself had shaken her up a bit…

After breakfast, Edward pulled me to one side. "Will you come somewhere with me?" he asked. I nodded, unable to deny him anything when he unleashed the power of his eyes on me. He took my hand, and led me off down the corridor, to a room I'd never been to before. He opened the door for me, and I looked in, to see a piano. I hadn't even realised there was a music room here. "Music is apparently good for therapy," he mused, seeing my expression. We went in and he closed the door behind us.

He sat at the piano bench, and motioned for me to come and sit beside him. I leant against his side, studying the beautiful instrument. He carefully pushed back the cover, and laid his hands on the keys. And then his fingers flowed swiftly across the ivory, and the room was filled with a composition so complex, so luxuriant, it was impossible to believe only one set of hands played. I felt my chin drop, my mouth open in astonishment and he chuckled. "Do you like it?"

I could only nod, struck dumb by the sheer beauty of it. I was feeling extremely insignificant. Then the music slowed, transforming into something softer, and to my surprise I detected the melody of his lullaby, the song he hummed to me at night to help me fall asleep, weaving through the notes. "I wrote this for you," he said, gazing at me thoughtfully. I felt tears in my eyes.

"I love you Bella," he whispered softly, and his hands had left the keys of the piano to hold the sides of my face, and to run his fingers through my hair.

"Edward, I… You've seen how I am, I'm… I'm not a whole person Edward, I'm a broken shell. You can't love me… I can't put you through th-" He put his finger on my lips, quieting me.

"We're all in here for a reason Bella, you've seen what I did to myself. But Bella, I've never met anyone more whole than you. The way you smile makes me feel weak at the knees, your whole face lights up and your eyes sparkle. Granted, it's hard to make you smile at the moment. I would give anything, go through anything to have you by my side, to protect you. I _will_ fix you, I _will_ make you feel whole again, if it's the last thing I do. I can't get by without you, you're like my own personal brand of heroine, and now I've had a taste I don't think I can give you up." I was crying, the tears streaming down my face, and he took me in his arms. "I love you."

"I-I.. I love you too, Edward." He pressed his lips to mine, and kissed me softly.

"You need to help me to help you Bella," he said, pulling away. "You need to talk, no one can help you if you don't. I'm not going to push you, but you know I'm here, Carlisle's here, Alice and the others are here. You can go to anyone, we all care for you, you know that."

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**A/N: I'm not sure if I really like this, it might get re-written later on... Let me know what you think :]**

**xxx**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks again to everyone who reviewed, it's so nice to see people actually appreciate this. I'm actually quite shocked to see the number of people who've put it on their alerts etc... :]**

**xxx**

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I took a deep breath. "I know Edward, and I am sorry for everything I've put you all through. I.. I think I'm ready to talk to you." He said nothing, only pulling me onto his lap, and tracing the scars on my arms in his usual soothing fashion.

"My parents split up when I was really little, I stayed with my dad Charlie in Forks, and Renée went to live in Phoenix. I'd go and visit her during the summer and on alternate Christmases and Thanksgivings. I was upset over it, what little kid wouldn't be, but I coped. I loved both my parents, and they loved me.

"After about a year, Renée started seeing someone, a guy called Phil who used to play baseball for a living. He was really cool, although I suppose I was a bit worried he'd try to take over Charlie's role as a father. But he never did, he was more like an older brother. He and Renée eventually got married, and he moved in with her. When I was about 10, he started to get a bit…weird. He'd come and see me at night, first of all it was just to tuck me in, and say night. Then he'd start staying longer, stroking my hair and face. It was a bit weird 'cause he'd never done that before but there was nothing wrong about it.

"After he'd been doing that for a while, he'd come in and try to get into bed with me, and I didn't like it, I'd try to fight him off. After he hit me in the stomach, ribs - places no one else would see - I stopped fighting and just let him. He started to get really creepy then, telling me how beautiful I was, touching me… all over.

"One night Renée was out, and he came in as usual, but he didn't even attempt to be nice. He tied my hands behind my back, and threatened to kill me if I made a noise. He… he pulled my clothes off and… he hit me a-and he r-r…" I couldn't go on, as I dissolved into tears, burying my head in Edward's shirt. I didn't need to finish though, he knew exactly what I was going to say.

"Bella," he breathed into my hair, and held me tightly to his chest. "I'm so sorry, love, you're ok now, we're all here for you, no one's going to hurt you. I love you Bella," he said softly.

I struggled to control my sobs and breathing. "It went on for… years. Then suddenly, he just… disappeared. No one ever saw him again. Renée was devastated; I'd never told her about what happened, it wasn't her fault. And a few months later, while I was still at Charlie's we got a phone call… She… She'd killed herself." There were no tears in my eyes now, I felt too numb having finally told someone, to cry again.

"Charlie was heart broken. He'd never got over her, he still loved her as much as he had the day they got married. For a while we were both empty, barely noticing one another, but as Charlie began to recover, he could see I didn't. He was sympathetic at first, he tried so hard to help me, but I couldn't help myself. After a while he got a bit annoyed with me, sending me to therapists, but I'd never let him come with me and a lot of the time I just didn't bother turning up. Eventually, he just snapped and told me he was sending me here."

I looked up and saw there were tears glistening in Edward's bright, green eyes. I reached up and wiped them away with the sleeve of my shirt, and he smiled down at me, weakly, my own personal Adonis. It struck me how much I loved him and then the tears did return, and I sobbed into his shoulder for what felt like hours.

Eventually, I felt myself being lifted and saw he was carrying me out of the room, back to my bedroom. I clung to his neck. He put me down on the bed, and he laid beside me, pulling me to his chest and holding me tightly. I managed to calm myself down, and I relaxed slightly against him.

"I guess it's my turn," he said softly.

I looked at him. "Only if you want to," I whispered.

I hugged him tighter. "I had a twin brother," he began. "We were inseparable, we did absolutely everything together. Although we got on together better than with anyone else, everything was a competition for us. Who could get the best marks at school, who could eat the most cookies, who could run fastest, jump farthest. Usually I'd beat him, although never by much. I never wanted to carry on with the games when we got a bit older, I could see how much it affected him, and I'd let him win some of the time, but he could always tell.

"Once we got older, the 'games' would get sillier, more dangerous; who could drink the most, who could drive the fastest. One night we were at a party, and he's challenged me yet again to one of these silly games. He wanted to prove he could drink more than I could - and he did drink more than me, because I didn't really want to join in. But he was convinced I'd let him win because I felt sorry for him. He hated pity. He started up another.. game. Who could drive the fastest. Neither of us were in any state to drive, and I tried to stop him, but the one thing he'd always beaten me at was who could lift the most weights, throw something farthest. He shook me off easily, knocked me unconscious.

"When I came around, we were at the hospital. He's crashed into an oncoming lorry while he was on the wrong side of the road. He'd died straight away, he hadn't felt any pain. My parents were besides themselves, and they blamed me. They realised later than they'd been unfair, but no matter how much they apologised, how many times they tried to comfort me, I knew they were right. I'd let my brother go ahead and kill himself. It was all my fault." His voice cracked on the last few words and I felt my heart break with it. We were both in tears, and I held him as tightly as I could, stroking his hair trying to soothe him.

"Edward, it wasn't your fault, you said yourself he was stronger than you, you couldn't have stopped him. It was just a silly game that got out of hand, you did all you could to stop it. You can't blame yourself for something like that. He wouldn't want you to," I said, conviction in my voice. He quietened slightly at my words, but I could still see the pain in his eyes, the usual dazzling emeralds were dull and lifeless. "Edward, I love you so much," I said into his hair as he pulled me tightly to him again.

I wasn't sure how long we laid there in each other's arms, but I felt like a weight had been lifted from me. I was still a long way off healing, but I'd taken the first step along the way. I hoped Edward felt the same, and I weaved my fingers in his hair while he made small, sleepy noises. We were taking comfort in the presence of one another, and neither of us wanted to move.

"Edward," I said reluctantly, after another long moment. "We should go and find the others, they'll be wondering where we are. We missed lunch." He sighed, but hauled himself up, still holding me in his arms. He kissed my forehead, chin, and then my lips, and I kissed him back, pressing mine firmly to his. He chuckled lightly.

"I thought we needed to go and find the others?" he said, pulling away, and I pouted, but got up as he did, and followed him out the door, grabbing his hand. We found them in Alice's room as usual, and when we walked in, hand in hand, they were quiet, almost as though they knew what had happened. I looked at Alice, and wondered, not for the first time, if she really could see visions of the future. Maybe she'd told Edward to take me to the music room, knowing I'd tell him what had happened. I shook the thought out of my head, knowing I was being ridiculous.

Alice got up and hugged us both, and after a few moments of awkward silence, the conversation started up again, and I relaxed, sitting close by Edward.

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**A/N: I hope I won't be too hated, but I'm probably not going to be able to update much over the next few days, as I'm going home to visit my family... We'll see though :]**

**xxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Soooo... I don't know if anyone actually cares anymore, but here is the extremely late update for my story... **

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I couldn't stomach dinner that night, and pushed my food around my plate as the others ate. I knew they were watching me, but I didn't have the energy to care. Although at first I'd felt better, telling Edward about Phil had brought all the memories back to the surface, made them feel more real. "Bella, you should eat something," I heard the familiar velvet voice say.

"Not hungry," I mumbled. I pushed my plate to the side, and laid my head on my arms. I felt the gazes of the others burning into the back of my head, and sighed. I got up from my seat and walked out of the cafeteria, ignoring Alice, who called after me. I went up to my room and was both surprised and relieved that no one followed me. I sank down onto my bed, burying my face in the pillow, feeling the traitorous prick of tears in my eyes. I let them come, soaking my pillowcase. I rooted around in the drawer of my bedside table for my knife, looking for some relief from the emotional pain, before I remembered Carlisle had taken it.

I felt an irrational surge of anger at him, before I forced myself to think sensibly; he would hardly knowingly leave me with a knife, especially after what had happened. I rolled over and sat up on my bed, not bothered to dry the tears off my face. I pulled up my sleeves and unwound the bandages on my arms, studying the healing gashes. I sighed, and laid back down, under the covers after taking off my shoes and jeans. I couldn't be bothered to change into my pyjamas.

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I woke up in the morning to someone knocking on my door. I groaned, and shielded my eyes from the light pouring in through the window - I'd forgotten to draw the curtains when I went to bed. "What?" I croaked out.

"Bella?" Edward. "It's breakfast time, can I come in?"

I sighed quietly. "Sure," I said. The door opened and he stepped through it, cautiously. He took a long look at me, studying my face. "What?" I said, a bit harshly, and I saw his eyes drop to my wrists, and the bandages I'd thrown on the floor.

"What's wrong?" he whispered. I closed my eyes and shook my head. "Bella," he said, sounded exasperated. He came and knelt down next to me. "You know I'm not going to try to make you tell me what's wrong. But you know I'm here for you. And you should try to talk." I turned over to face the wall, feeling tears slipping out from beneath my closed eye-lids. I reached behind me to take his hand, squeezing it gently in silent apology.

"You need to come to breakfast, Bella," he said quietly. "You missed lunch and didn't eat anything at dinner yesterday." I shook my head. He sighed. "Bella," he said, his voice stern. I groaned, but threw back the covers, knowing he was right. We both blushed as we simultaneously realised I was only wearing a t-shirt and underwear. I quickly pulled on my jeans as he turned his back to me. I slipped on some shoes, and we walked down to the breakfast room.

"Bella!" Alice exclaimed as we joined their table. "You look as though you've rolled straight out of bed!" I blushed, and she glared at me. "You HAVE just rolled straight out of bed, haven't you?" she demanded.

"Alice," Edward said. "Calm down little kitten, leave the poor girl alone." Alice turned her death-stare onto him, and he looked as if he was trying to suppress laughter. I smiled gratefully at him, and took a bite of my toast. It tasted like cardboard, and I chewed it for what felt like forever before I forced myself to swallow it. I put the rest of it down on my plate, and looked up to see Edward's worried look. His expression was mirrored on Alice and Jasper's faces. Rosalie and Emmett were thankfully too distracted with each other to notice anything was wrong.

Edward pushed a bowl of cereal towards me, and I shook my head. The tiny amount of toast I'd eaten was settling in my stomach, making me feel ill. "Bella, you've not eaten since yesterday morning."

"Just leave it Edward, I don't want to fucking eat anything!" I snapped at him, then immediately clapped my hand over my mouth. "I'm sorry," I whispered, and he smiled sadly at me. "I didn't mean to -"

"I know," he interrupted me. "It's ok." I took his outstretched hand, and he pulled me closer to him. I rested my head on his chest.

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, I was being lifted up and carried out of the food hall. I protested weakly, but Edward only grinned at me, melting my heart and stilling my struggles with one look. He put me down on my bed, pulling my shoes off and pulling the covers over me. He stood up to leave but I grabbed his hand, a pleading look on my face and he quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Thank you," I said quietly, and he smiled. It didn't reach his eyes though, and I felt guilty again for my outburst at breakfast. "I'm sorry for how I acted earlier."

He shook his head. "Bella, please don't apologise, I understand. It's ok."

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you to," he replied, and left my room.

I sighed and settled down under the covers. I had barely slept the night before, but I suddenly didn't feel tired any more. I tried to close my eyes and go back to sleep, but every time I did Phil's face swam into my head, and the terrors of the dreams I only usually had to endure while I was asleep visited me once again. I leapt out of bed and shuddered. It was almost time for my meeting with Carlisle anyway, he wouldn't mind if I was a bit early.

I looked in the mirror and grimaced at my appearance. I brushed my hair, pulling it back into a pony tail, and washed my face. I changed my clothes, and left for his office. I knocked softly on the door. "Come in," he called. I opened the door, and went over to the sofa, not meeting his eyes. I drew my knees up under my chin as I sat down, and wrapped my arms around them.

I rested my head on my legs. "Sorry I'm early," I mumbled.

"You know I don't mind that Bella. How are you doing?" he asked, and I could feel his piercing eyes on me. I forced myself to look at him.

"Fine," I said shortly. He looked sceptical. "Ok, I'm not fine, but let's just say I am." His eyes narrowed for a short while as he continued to look at me.

"You haven't been eating or sleeping," he said, a statement not a question. I shrugged my shoulders. "What's happened Bella?" he asked softly. I shook my head, burying my face in my lap, letting my hair fall over me like a curtain. Hot tears fell onto my jeans, and I could feel my shoulders shaking. "It's ok, you don't need to talk about it now if you don't want to. But you must have come here early for a reason?"

I tried to calm my breathing down, controlling the sobs wracking through my body. "I… I told Edward about what happened." I lifted my head a little to look at Carlisle.

"About your mother's suicide?" he asked. I shook my head, and he looked a little confused. He cleared his expression quickly however, and asked, "Can you tell me about it?"

I didn't want to have to talk about it again, but at the same time something made me want to tell him everything. I began to tell him what I had told Edward the other day, speaking stiltedly, monotonously. I felt my cheeks burn up at the embarrassment of having to tell the young, blond doctor what Phil had done to me. I watched him as I talked, and saw his jaw clenching as I told him.

"And you hadn't told anyone this was going on?" he asked when I was finished. I shook my head, dumbly. "Why not?" he asked, somewhat incredulously.

I shook my head again. "I don't know. I didn't want to upset Renée or worry Charlie. I didn't want to have to relive any of what happened to me." I laid my head back on my knees. "And now whenever I close my eyes I see HIS face, looking at me, mocking me, daring me to scream out. I'd pushed all the memories down, suppressing it all, but now telling Edward has brought them all back again."

"I know it's hard to believe now, but talking about it WILL help. You'll feel overwhelmed now, but after a while sharing everything that's happened to you with others will help. You can't get better if you won't even talk about it." He got up and came to sit by me, cautiously, as if he wasn't sure how I'd react. "I can give you some sleeping pills for now if you think that will help." I nodded slowly. "Do you want to go now? We can end here if you'd like."

"Please," I said. He got up and rummaged through his cabinets before pulling out a bottle of pills.

"Here you go, take one at night before you go to bed, it'll help you sleep." I took the bottle gratefully. "I'll see you tomorrow Bella, or sooner - don't forget, you can come back any time you need to." I nodded and got up to leave. "Oh, and Bella?" I turned back to him. "You need to eat." I blushed, before I fled from his office, back to my room.

I hoped I wouldn't meet anyone on the way so I could just go and lay down for a while, on my own, but it seems I underestimated Alice's ability to "see the future". Or maybe she'd just been lying in wait for me…"Bella!" she called. "Are you ok?" I sighed inwardly, but turned to her, knowing she was just worried about me.

"I'm fine Alice, I'm sorry for how I acted last night and at breakfast."

She beamed at me, "Don't be silly Bella, you don't need to apologise." Why did everyone keep telling me that? "The others are all in Rosalie's room, do you want to come and join us?" I didn't really want to, but I figured that it would be better for me if I was around the others… And Edward.

"Sure," I said, attempting to smile. She grinned and took my hand, dragging me along the corridor. We joined the others, and I went to sit by Edward. He took one look at my still slightly bloodshot and swollen eyes, and drew me against his side, holding me tightly. I relaxed in his embrace, feeling much more at ease. Before I knew it I'd closed my eyes and was fast asleep once again.

* * *

**A/N: Hope this is ok, I realise that I don't really know anything about therapy etc, and I really should do some research, but I don't have the time for it at the moment, and I'd like to keep on writing. I may go back at a later date and try to make it more accurate to real-life. Reviews much appreciated, as always :] **

**xxx**


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